What do you do when your ex-boyfriend (who lives in the same house as you) gets the meanest and scariest flu-like illness ever? We’re talking about something that looks like it’s three stages shy of leprosy here.

He’s been running fever for days and refuses to go to the doctor. He’s at least agreed to take the Tylenol I’ve brought to him. Meanwhile I’m running around the house like a mad lady and spraying every surface with antibacterial cleaners.

Is it unreasonable to request he help me pay for a hotel until he’s done taunting Death if he refuses to go to a doctor? I really can’t afford to get sick right now. And it’d be one thing if he would go to the doctor and at least get some medication. But he’s not. And he keeps touching all the doorknobs in the house.

I hate to be mean and quarantine him in his own bedroom, but at the same time it would be stupid to act like nothing is wrong and hang out and chat if he has the plague.

I would do just about anything for my own space right now.